Interview with Streetpunk band "The Haggis"


Resume us your bands history (please mention the records and line up).

Haggis started in 1994 by Fat Animal and some other bastards. The band played various concerts in Norway, and there was always trouble and chaos where ever they went.  There have been a lot of changes in the line-up since then, and now the only original band member is Fat Animal. In 2000-2002 things have started to roll for us, we play more and more gigs and we now have released one full-length CD (Aggro Mongos, at Anthemic Records) and some MCDs with 4 to 7 songs. Our latest release is PRIDE IS OUR CRIME, the 7" available from Bords de Seine.  This autumn we have a new album coming out on Pure Impact Records, this album will be called "Stormtroopers Of Hate". We've played gigs in Denmark, Sweden, England and Russia, and we got loads more coming up in 2003.
The current line-up is: Fat Animal  Guitar; Mr. Chest O'Drawers  Drums; The Granny  Bass; The Bastard - Vocals
The discography looks something like this: Party i toer luga - mini-cd 2000; Keine Zucker, Keine Bon-Bon - mini-cd 2002; Aggro Mongos - album 2002; Pride Is Our Crime - mini-cd 2002; Pride Is Our Crime - 7" 2003; coming: Stormtroopers Of Hate and a cassette only released in Russia.
Give us a definition of your sound and lyrics (name influences if any).
We have a lot of different influences.  We are, of course, always under the influence of alcohol. Bandwise we like a lot of different music; some like church burning black metal and some are more into Bananarama.  Fat Animal loves Motorhead and we all like Johnny Cash. And off course we like oi!. Lyrics, well we always like lyrics that tell you about more important matters, I think the grindcore band Anal Cunt have the best lyrics ever. Just check out the lyrics from the song RANCID SUCKS (AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO):
SKA IS GAY, REGGAE IS GAY
YOU'RE FUCKING GAY, AND YOU'RE NOT PUNK
YOU SAY YOU HATE CORPORATIONS, BUT YOU WHERE ON NBC
London's CALLING AND THEIR CALLING YOU GAY
RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO
RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO
IF KENNY G. HAD A MOHAVK, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK
IF YANNI HAD DUMB TATTOOS, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK
IF GARTH BROOKS PIERCED HIS NOSE, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK
IF LIBERACE SOUNDED LIKE THE CLASH, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK
RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO
RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO
YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK, YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK
YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK, YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK
YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK, YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK
AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO…

You've been travelling a lot, you played Moscow, Denmark, etc. tell us some funny stories occurred in your travels / gigs. I'm sure you have a lot.

Denmark was really funny! We travelled 16 man strong and everybody was wearing matching "stormtroopers of hate" t-shirts. It was a lovely sight!  When we played our stormtroopers were constantly throwing beer and charcoal at us so three monitors was destroyed. Then the guitar amp got to much beer and the gig was stopped.  The trip ended with a party at the hotel where a pool table and various two-store beds was turned upside down and the hotel staff locked themselves behind bars in the reception and called the cops. Haggis was told to leave the country.
Russia was fantastic too here's our man Monkey Business' translation of our travel report:
After wiping the sleep out of our arses we were raring to enter the ugliest country in the world...Russia! We had a few beverages at the airport (as you do) and caused a bit of a hoohah on the plane cos they weren't serving alcohol that early in the morning. But being clever bastards we bought a bottle of Gammel Dansk (posh campari) in the duty free, which was nice.
After a while Frode Kommode got fed up of all the flying and decided to take a taxi, which didn't impress the cabin crew who gave him some money for the bus instead. Sturla wanted to join him, but Frode was having none of this cos Sturla wouldn't lend him his toothbrush the night before. Affi told the two-dissillusioned band members that their bus didn't travel at 30000 feet but he only received insulting laughter and incoherent grunting for his troubles.
When we arrived in Denmark we proceeded to the bar where we started in on some massive beers until Gate Closing started to flash on the screens. We were now onboard and on our way to the dirtiest country on the globe. The drinks were free and as you can imagine, the intake was on the uptake. The food was shit, but we got liquor!!!
When we got to Russia there was, of course, a massive queue, but we got lucky and ended up with the Chinese women's Ice hockey team (women's Ice hockey ho ho). They couldn't believe their luck. Rock stars from Norway!!! After being checked for lice (external and internal) it was off to meet the promoter. He understood very little English and even less Viking. Fucking foreigner. Typical. In Moscow we took a few photos with the OB and bought some beer for the train trip which can be a very surrealistic experience in Russia...
On the train we got our own room (you know what I mean...)
where we soon established base and beer camp. As the toilets were shut for most of the journey we were told to piss between the carriages...ha ha fuck me, welcome to Russia. We ran out of beer after a bit, but the staff sold us some of their secret vodka stash that was hidden in the locomotive wall. One of the bitches working on the train deserted her post as she found Haggis' room a lot cosier. She got a right bollocking of her fat boss and is probably working in some Gulag now. The promoter got well pissed trying to follow the Haggis tempo and was soon regaling us with mad tales of his days with the Moscow Hooligans. We also got a showing of various karate moves and Russian pick pocketing.
The train stopped at one point and we got off for a slash. There we met some old hag with a fish for a necklace. Ha ha ha Russia...what a great country.
We arrived in Byransk, got in a taxi and were taken to some brothel like hotel where Nadia Komenechi met us. She stunk of old sweat, not unlike Giant Haystacks, which we found out wasn't uncommon for young ladies in Russia. We proceeded to get extremely pissed in a disgusting room, the night ending with us drawing glasses and general bollocks on the promoters face. He was passed out bladdered on the floor.
The next day we awoke and took a look at Byransk, which was a diesel stinking slum with no banks and a population of people who couldn't speak a decent language. The only transportation seemed to be lame donkeys and knackered busses from Sweden.
Jesus Wept...Russia...what a country...
Fucking women's work this...I'm just gonna do the gigs for fuxache...
We welcomed as heroes in Byransk. There was right bunch of hooligans, skins, smellies and punks outside the venue. Certain members of Haggis managed, of course, to go flying on their arse right outside the gaff!!! First impression is important in front of these arseholes. It was a large hall, bout the size of Bloodvessel's arse, with a gallery and everything. Amazingly enough, in contrast to all the other shit in Russia, the sound was pretty tasty. The toilets were a hole in the floor with shit and piss everywhere and doors were unheard of (the wooden things on hinges, not the bloody hippy shit band)
We were headlining, of course, and as we came on stage with setlists (hippies) and beer we were greeted with loads of noise from the crowd. KCHAKKIS, KCHAKKIS, KCHAKKIS!!! We told them our name was Haggis and were greeted with 'KHSCHAGGFTLIKKOSGY OIII!!!'. We found this hysterically funny and proceeded to show these communist bumpkins what Norwegian Oi-Core was all about. advertising  advertising and more advertising for their upcoming steaming pile of poo. The crowd kicked right off from the word go, with Sturla in his WWII German helmet adorned with fireworks, Affi with a bumfluff tash and bad breath, Frode with his hobbit look and elf ears and Ottar with his flab and bacon. Yup, it was a maelstrom of beer, sweat, shit, vodka, violence, hooligans, gluesniffers, bikers, brats, codgers, slags and assorted crap.
As is the norm for Haggis, the coppers were there. They seemed to be OK until they got bored and started whacking kids over the head (shitters). People were screaming and shouting, fighting and pissing and we smiled from ear to ear. After around 35 minutes Old Bill found out that they'd had enough of Haggis and their fans and anyway they didn't have enough money for any more beer. Alex, the promoter, sorted it out and gave them a few potatoes (or whatever they use for currency) and we carried on. Haggis replied with 5-6 more tunes (!) and it all ended in mass clapping, pussy farts and stamping of feet. Top night. 7000 to 8000 Russian hoolies, a tight Haggis (for once) and not the normal problems equipment wise. Fucking hell, the next time we ever get to play in Russia, Byransk is deffo the first stop, brilliant place to play/piss it up...
After the gig smelly women full of hormonal lust accosted us. They begged on their tits to ride all the members of Haggis, asking for autographs in places I didn't know you could sign (some even saked for a rubber stamp!!!). But like the arsehole big shot superstars we are, we got to the bar ASAP and were interviewed by the Russian telly channel 'canal 60'.We then tried to get pissed enough to throw one up the stinking Russian groupies. We were asked a load of weird questions by the television people. they said they had heard we had something to do with September 11th, which we duly replied yes to. We told them we flew the planes which cracked us up no end.
After acting like the fucking Beatles for a while we got fed up and took a taxi to Nadia's gaff for a few more drinks and then set off to take the train to Moscow. Sturla got into a wreatling match with some Russki down the station, something the police weren't too happy about so they twatted him in the stomach. This seemed to please the police and they left him alone. He shat blood and vodka for days... phew...this is part 4...
We arrived in Moscow (who'd have thought we would have lasted this long?), got in a taxi and got into the hotel. We couldn't fucking believe it...the bogs were clean and the staff even spoke English and guess what...Russia's largest nazi party were having a general meeting in the same hotel! What are the odds on that? Only Haggis can achieve shit like this! Shaking like leaves (a combination of fear of extermination and the DT's) we had to shake the hands of a load of sweaty Russian nazi's. We told them that we understood fuck all of what was being said and they lost interest quickly enough.
After this nasty episode we bowled down to the local market near the hotel. Here we were met by the sight of a comically ugly bloke dressed like right twat whose job was to be licked in the face by a bear. We pissed ourselves laughing for ages until the bloke tried to touch Sturla, which Sturla thought was pretty smart.
After the bear wrestling we then made our way to the venue, which turned out to be a cinema. Nice one! We got backstage and started a drinking contest with the Finnish band Rejected who were also playing. The day before 300 neo nazi's had stormed the gaff, twatting fuck out of everyone (they got the date wrong, durrrrrrrr), so this meant that the security was full on and the place was half empty. Everyone was shitting it apart from haggis, which was, strangely enough, pissed as farts! As the first band started we soon got to see what was in store. Neanderthal mongoloid Russians pumped up on steroids that smacked anyone who dared to approach the stage. Fat bastard Ottar ambled up to give a round of applause to the band and was met with threats of extreme violence.
As we were pissed off with the whole situation, no punters, shit sound, arsehole security, the whole gig was a bit of an obligation, and we felt a bit sorry for the promoter who had to watch all his efforts pissed away by bonegead security and the threat of the Moscow nazi community. Shame for Pavel, cos he was an allright bloke even though he spoke like he had a potato stuck down his throat, and he did his best all night.
After the gig we went back to the hotel to speak Norwegian and get pissed. Ottar started having a 'conversation' with some Russian, which ended up with the fat one himself calling this communist cunt a 'homo'. He didn't like this. With tears in his eyes he started going on about 'you kill me, you kill me...now I kill YOU.' After a lot of arguing with this pissed up gay Russian twat we were backed up by a hundred or so AC Milan Ultras. To top it all off, the hotel wasn't just full of Russian nazis, but 300 AC Milan fans!!! We got on like a house on fire with the Italians and proceeded to have large booze up with them till the early hours. We then went to bed. We then got up. We then fucked off home...

Why do you like so much harassing people? I mean for you it's a way of life isn't it?

People ask for it! Just look around you, there's so much freaks and weirdos everywhere.  In earlier times those people was used in freak shows and other types of family entertainment but these days you're not allowed to even smile when a midget is wandering through the streets pretending to be normal.  Fuck me you gotta draw the line somewhere. When we played at HITS our poor singer harassed the wrong people and ended up with two black eyes. It looked good on the gig thou, hahaha.

I saw your web page and your contests are from other planet. Talk a bit about it please.

We have a tit contest where girls can send in pictures of their tits and they get free cds and whatever shit we have laying about.  It's a nice way to get wanking material in those cold winter nights. We also have the "Never Fall Asleep" contest. It's a tribute to the noble art of harassing people who fall asleep at parties. In Norway, if someone's fall asleep at a party it's an old tradition to draw and write all kinds of shit in their faces, shave their eyebrows (ask Fat Animal about that, ha-ha) and fill their underwear with sticky substances.  In the NFA contest you can send in pictures of your decorated sleeping mates and win prizes.  We also have the "Stormtrooper of the month" contest where we give away prizes to people who have behaved in an extreme manner at Haggis gigs or wherever in the name of Haggis. The current winners are a fine mixture of people who have performed striptease, smashed glasses in their heads and started fantastic fistfights.

Being the ugliest band in Norway, how do you manage do get such pretty girls as some of the featured in your pictures? Tell the truth. You pay for it don't you?

We're rock stars, we don't pay for anything!  That's the beauty of being famous you know. Beautiful girls flock around you and you have to use CS-gas to keep them away to get some quality wanking-time on your own.
Are you often involved in trouble? Or people just look at you as funny guys?
The Bastard got two black eyes at HITS, Mr Chest O'Drawers was thrown out of the camping site for indecent exposure and Fat Animal just got arrested two weekends in a row. I rest my case.

What is your main goal? I mean as a band where do you expect to reach?

We've come to conquer the world. And any other planet where there's beer and blondes with big tits! I bet we can make it too, I heard about this kraut who almost conquered the world some years ago... Well, he was just an art student and we're four tough fucking Vikings!
What can we expect from Haggis for the near future?
There's a new album coming out on Pure Impact Records this autumn, it's called "Stormtroopers of Hate" and it's gonna change the music history for ever. We're also doing Scandinavia with the Exploited and we're preparing for gigs all over Europe.  So hide your beer and sew up the body cavities on your women cause we'll be swarming all over your hometown before you know what hit you!

Quick answers! please respond the first thing you got in mind concerning:

Beer: Without beer Haggis couldn't exist. Piss of the Gods!
Skins: The more skins at the gigs the merrier.
Oi!Music: Music for real men
Girls: We prefer them blond and with massive tits
Fights:  The important thing isn't to win the fight, but to START it.
Football: The only thing worth watching except porn.
Boring: I don't know what to answer, this question was fucking boring. You should've asked about tits or something.  Or midgets I've got a lot to say about them little bastards!
Tattoos: They're best if they're made in prison. And no tribal shit please!
Hippies: Nature's punching bags! Good practise before you start a real fight.
More Beer:  Yes please!

Anything more to add (can include contacts, merchandising whatever)?

Visit our webpage at www.haggisofnorway.tk you bastards. And buy our new record too, cause we need money for beer.
 

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